i don't think we're in august anymore
it is RIDICULOUS that i have so much going on right now, mostly work-wise. my summer was so quiet, the fall was tumultuous, and as it wraps up, my winter looks insane, with my spring looking suicidal. i'm scheduling myself for some serious me-time starting july... oh-eight. that being said, there are some exciting things on the horizon in the way of personal growth and impersonal entertainment. the vagmonos for one, of which i find out my role on sunday (to moan or not to moan... that IS the question) and vegas in march, in which i was inspired to put my own self-doubt on a shelf when i saw pictures of a group of girls, who i have historically beaten in competition on the circuit back in the day, putting their best ka forward in the cutthroat vegas arena. if they have the balls to do it, i should too. so i will, as much as it will hurt (mentally and physically) in the process.
current mood: tired but determined.

that sinking feeling
check out the crazy honeymoon adventures of one of my former students, here on Good Morning America (that's her and the man in the video, upper right) and here on her blog. these 2 are the most adventurous people i know ... glad to know they are safe and warm now!
current mood: chilled

i (heart) thanksgiving
...not the biggest fan of christmas, though.
happy thanksgiving, y'all! i trust that you have plenty to be thankful for, and i pray that you are able to take a moment to reflect on it all. here's a good idea of holiday shenanigans that happen when my fam gets together:
man, i love this holiday.
current mood: thankful

i'll take the physical challenge
5 or so years ago, i saw a production of the vagina monologues, and from that evening forward, i decided that i wanted to be a part of it. i can't say that i'm particularly involved in The Movement, i would never list Feminist as a descriptive adjective, and i certainly don't dream of a life on broadway. but something about it spoke to me, and somewhere in a dusty corner of my heart, i have longed to be a part of the production.
after an initial reading, i was assigned three monologues for callbacks, and i immediately went in to a bit of shock when i was assigned what i consider the most difficult, most challenging monologue of the production: The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy.
not only is the 'character' in this particular monologue a lesbian dominatrix (eHEM), but the piece literally climaxes with the performer demonstrating 20 different kinds of moans: from the pragmatic "almost moan" (a circling sound), to the silly irish catholic moan (“Forgive me.”), to the no-holds-barred, surprise triple orgasm moan (intense, multifaceted, climactic moan). fear struck me to the very core, skin flushed and flaming red, as i told the undergrad directors "i'm REALLY uncomfortable with this." undeterred, they clapped their hands and bounced in their seats, exclaiming their excitement in seeing my rendition of the piece. i tried again to back out, but, in the end, they convinced me to sit on it for a week, and see what happens.
of the three monologues i was called in for, "The Woman Who..." ranks number one on biggest challenge, sitting just beyond my pushed-out boundary of comfort. number two is "My Short Skirt" requiring me to show more than a little skin up-to-there in a liberating manifesto that would ask of me to step lightly out of my comfort zone, not drive through it in a speeding tank like the previous entry. and number three is "Hair", a natural story with an easy flow that could be heartfelt and true, though i may have jacked up the reading, nervous after having been reminded of the impending moans later on in the day.
i don't have a good read on how the auditions went, but i do know this: originally the directors wanted to hear half of the moans, but in the middle, i hear "keep going, keep going!" and ended up moaning my way through the entire set... all the while, turning such a hue as to make a fire engine jealous.
i find out my fate in a week.
current mood: nervously embarrassed

you take the good, you take the bad
so the facts of life (at this moment) are these:
(1) the more you are afraid of something, the more it is attracted to you. and sooner or later, you're going to have to face it. complete mortification may lead to a break through, or at least a very VERY rosy complexion.
(2) for every action, there is an equal reaction. while i find myself having to justify my belonging in an area i took advantage of early on, i was told today, off the record and sort of aside, that my belonging was an inspiration to someone else. that was all the justification i needed to be able to stand up for myself somewhere else.
(3) the universe provides. seriously, it does. you just have to realize you got what you asked for. and when you realize that... wow. it's ... ineffable.
current mood: learning

and this is what friends are for...
from jeffrey, re: your blog
For some reason it wouldn't let me comment, but I figured it warranted one.

I don't think of you as a prude, because a prude person wouldn't participate in debauchery because they see it as dirty and wrong. I see you as someone who has a high sense of self-worth. As such, you would participate in those crazy events if you thought it was worth it... you would have kissed a boy earlier if there was a boy wirth it. You'd do the night of drunken craziness if the event warranted it and you wouldn't risk your health and safety. You'd even do the threesome if the other two people warranted it.

You're basically the most adventurous person I know. You're not a prude, you're just worth it.
current mood: loved

hyper-prudent
i've never considered myself entirely straight-laced, but i have recently been exposed to my own continence (which, i suppose, is better than incontinence) and it has come as a bit of a shock. drug use? absolutely none. drunken debauchery? uhh, none. threesomes? none. man, what the heck was i doing in college, anyway? a lot of the scenarios presented to me in a recent conversation i was having where he was discovering just how prudent i was (am?) i qualified by saying "but given the chance...", but i'm not sure it mattered after his jaw dropped when i informed him that i was closer to 21 than to 12 when i first kissed a boy.
normally i wouldn't think twice about the conversation, but it was revealed to me again, in a different forum, that i may be perceived as uptight by those around me more than i perceive myself. 5 minutes in a parking lot, where i steered a friend of mine on the phone away from an oncoming car, grabbed another's arm to stop her from crossing the path of a reversing 4runner, and nearly had a heartattack when our driver decided to assert her right-of-way in front of an accelerating sedan. personally, i have less faith in the awareness abilities of other people behind the wheels of their vehicles, and err on the side of caution. but should we just call a duck a duck, and get me to a nunnery?
current mood: reflective

unlucky #07
while not overly tragic, my 2007 has been what i like to call le suck. i've been in a funk that has been lingering long after the causes have gone away. so i have decided to declare 2007 defunct... i had already determined that '07 only had 11 months (july is dead to me), and at this point, i'm ditching the whole year. from now on, i'm powering up for '08!
current mood: makin' it a great oh-eight