it's not you, it's me... well, actually, maybe it is you.
By now y’all should know about the occassional frustration I have with this medium, or more like the intentions behind it. As much as it should be a forum for me to express myself, it comes with inherent restrictions as I realize who my audience is; something that I would like to say to one person who reads this shouldn’t necessarily be read by another. So I’m constantly seeking material that lays on a neutral ground, or at least disguising fact enough to appear fiction-like. That being said, I do have something to say to someone that would make me feel better getting it off my chest. So here goes:

To Whom It May Concern: Please allow me to point out that I am not the source of frustration in your life. I am not responsible for whatever may not be going right in your life presently, nor did I have any responsiblity for past or future "rightness". Although I do know that my actions have resulted in a curveball thrown your way, you need to understand that at no point did "you as a person" come into my decision. I hope you can take a deep look in the mirror to discover those demons haunting you at the moment, instead of projecting it on me. And good luck with it.

I guess it depends on your definition of 'fresh'…
I think I just left the feistiest Old Navy on the face of this planet. Or perhaps they schedule all their super-spunky associates to power through those dragging Tuesday afternoons. I can't say that I'm necessarily in favor of this for the reason that my ear drums were quite accosted upon entering the store. First, there was the guy standing by the door who was only singing (shouting, actually) the "Babe, I Got You Babe" part of the song overhead. Shoulders back, mouth pointed skyward, he would fall over if he used any more power. Then there was the friendly "greeter" who found it absolutely necessary to scream "WELCOME TO OLD NAVY, LADY!! HOW Y'ALL DOIN' TODAY?!" At times like this, it's a tad bit detrimental that my face often gives away exactly what I’m thinking: in this case it was “Goodlord,woman,pleasepleasepleasestopscreamingatme!". I think I actually shrunk back a bit instinctively, like a dog being scolded for chewing your favorite shoes, which just happen to be $500 Manolos. Slightly polite-smiling and desperate to return to my quiet place, I pulled a hard left to put distance between me and the screamer. Yeah, that didn't work as she followed me and said (yelled) "I was hired to be a greeter because of my voice." (bad move.) "People keep saying I should go on American Idol." (deaf people, maybe?) "They can hear me all the way over in Macy*s when I do my thing." (mm, I believe that.) Unfortunately, I actually thought that last one out loud, to which I was screamed, "WELL, LOOK AT HER, AREN’T SHE FRESH?"

Well now, I don't think I need to justify that.

gonna have to rethink this one
My nihongo no sensei (japanese teacher) asked us to write a quick paragraph about our scariest moment ever. I'm not one to get scared so easily, so i pondered for a bit (maybe my entire Vietnam trip?) before she asked if we wanted to hear her scariest memory. Sure. Off she launches into a lovely story about a walk in the woods with her husband, in Japan, beautiful scenery, blah blah blah. Oh, she ran into someone who had hung themselves. So for sensei, scary = suicide. Right. So I'm thinking that my story about skydiving would be just a little too whimsical for this assignment...?

I spent the weekend with some lovely lovely people doing some lovely lovely things, and resulting conversations had me wondering again how it is that people date so easily. If you don't know what i mean by that, bear with me a moment: in my entire (admissably short) dating life, i've dated all of 2.5 guys. (The Turkish boy doesn't really count... no offense, gökhan.) And as much as I could dramatically roll about complaining about this fact, I don't. try not to. But the thing that amazes me is how easily people bounce around to do this. And I'm not saying that's a good thing or a bad thing. But it's beyond my comprehension and experience... if anyone has insight on this topic, i'd love to hear your take...

so giving
I gave blood today. A rare thing, because for some reason, every time I try to give blood, somehow I don't qualify. But the planets were aligned today, life cycles in sync or something, and I was able to donate. If I could, I'd also give to Locks of Love because they are such a wonderful organization, but I definitely don't have 10 inches. In any way. But if you happen to be so endowed, and you're in the SD area, you can donate March 1-5, from 10am-1pm at UCSD (more info: email Diana). In a situation like this, it's definitely okay to come up a little short.

3:40 thoughts -
Pettiness comes in all shapes and sizes and businesses across humans, I have come to find out. One of the first things I had to do this morning was physically step between 2 men who would have killed each other if their pointed fingers had been guns, they were firing at each other so. Both had made mistakes, and neither would admit it, and it was my job to not only stop the war but tend to the wounds. In the corporate world, I would have hoped the attitudes would have sided more on the systemic improvements rather than the personal blame.

3:48 thoughts - workworkworkworkwhatdeadlineworkworkwork

4:09 thoughts - James has adopted me by feeding me spring rolls and telling me that I have to get married, but I have to run my future husband by him first.

4:10 thoughts - Fiona told me she figured I must not have gotten a lot of sleep last night if I walked out of the house with both a dress and pants on. I thought it was chic. She thought it was a mistake.

4:14 thoughts - The boys, Black&Decker, have been running around in their rollerballs for 5 hours, and don’t seem to be tired yet. Stamina… not exactly what mice are known for.

4:18 thoughts - Sushi is good. Denise is good. Sushi with Denise is good.

things that make you go "ungh"
I’ve never been run over by a truck, but I imagine it feels a bit like I feel today. I ache all over, and for no good reason, either. I would understand if I had been an active beast before, but all-in-all, I’ve been pretty low-key lately. Unless you count the at least 3 times I was having the same dream over-and-over again last night that caused me to grab all the blankets and pillows off my bed and fling them, and myself, onto the floor. I think in the dream I was “making room” for something, and I know that by the 3rd time ‘round, I was getting pretty annoyed about having to keep rearranging my bed and moving over for whatever it was that I was supposed to be moving over for.

So today I’m a little Sleepy. I’m a little Grumpy. And Doc is Doc.

me 'n' the boys
Valentine's Day or not, I got to spend this weekend with 2 of my favoritist boys ever. Saturday was spent frolicking with Darius. We even took a hand-clasped stroll to the water's edge in Ocean Beach, which lasted all of 2 minutes because it was FREEZING and stinky. I had dinner with Doc last night, on the hunt for a Thai place that wasn't closed on a Sunday. Equally as satisfying is the little something I ordered for myself (besides the tom yum soup):


I didn't want to put the "79" on there, but apparently some fool already thinks they're 'bstar'. Coincidentally, the first 3 letters before the star are my initials. Bonus!

The Five of Friday the 13th
1. Are you superstitious?
Just a little...

2. What extremes have you heard of someone going to in the name of superstition? I have a friend who won't go through tunnels in her car with the windows down because she thinks that bad spirits hang out in tunnels and are looking to hitch a ride. Then there's the uttering of "Title o' Scottish play by Shakespeare" that supposedly brings grave misfortune to any theater company. That one's a little crazy.

3. Believer or not, what's your favorite superstition?
Driving through yellow-lit intersections, I hit the roof of my car for protection. I lift my feet when going over train tracks, but I don't really know why I do that. And I always make a wish on the first star of the night and whenever I see a digital clock read the same numbers across (like 11:11 or 2:22).

4. Do you believe in luck? If yes, do you have a lucky number/article of clothing/ritual?I do believe in luck, but have never really associated it with any one thing. Luck is luck, and by it's nature, can't be evoked by any sort of ritual.

5. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
I believe that there is an order to the universe and that astrology may be a part of it, but I don't study it and truly know very little about it.

feeling...
... just a bit mediocre today. Standard. Plain. Common grain of the woodwork. Not even vanilla, because that has flavor.

huh, go fig.

what an awesomely horrible article
well, there's pessimism for ya: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4217687

i'm like columbus, i discover so much
only at a pet-friendly company like mine can I sit at my desk and imagine that I'm part of the tympani pit of an orchestra as Black & Decker bang into the industrial metal furniture with their little plastic rollerballs.

Friday afternoon I came to the realization that I've forgotten how to hang out with people. Silly, isn't it? But as I was driving home from work, trying to think of how to pass the time from then forward, I decided to call Doc to see if he wanted to get a pizza and a movie and just hang. The other day I called Silvi to get boba, just because I wanted to talk to her. Sadly, I'm in awe that I pulled it off. When did it get built up in my head that I needed to book ahead, because impromptu was taboo when it came to social engagements? I truly believe that Japan had a big hand in this adjustment to thinking on my part, as it was nearly impossible to be spontaneous. Little discoveries of habits I've picked up from Japan always seem to shake my world just a little.

Saturday night I stayed home and painted my nails. Baby steps back into spontaneity.

Sunday was spent entirely in the karate world. I was drafted, along with 2 of my teammates and senpai, into working a table at a karate tournament up in Walnut, CA. Episodes like these reinforce that I am pretty sure I have some committment issues, and for the sake of my well-being, I like to limit them to karate. I will definitely step up and help out, but I am cautious about where I step; I’m terribly afraid that I’m just going to be ‘over’ it and lose interest and where’s the fun in that? Going to these tournaments is a big realization of this: the fun I have at practice is tucked away and not a glimmer of it cracks through the super-tough, focused mindset of my teammates. Training for these tourneys shadows them with the same attitude, and I’m expected to adopt a similar outlook. Well, that ain’t gonna happen, but unfortunately my different perspective leaves me stranded in the world of competitive karate. I don’t think people realize how different they become, most of that attributed to a sky-high stress level and thanks, but I’ll just say no. Keep in mind, all this could change... though I’m no longer toe-testing the waters, I definitely haven’t cannon-balled in.

high - coo

busy little b
drones lightly about her day
with hardly a buzz

e l f r i d a y f i v e
1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
well, i would consider a little stunt i pulled recently to get the attention of a guy pretty damn daring, but for the sake of the censors, and probably in the eyes of most of the people who read this, let's say that the most daring would be up and moving to Japan... quick and solo.
2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
something involving hallucinogenic drugs
3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
8.5 ... points taken off for things like considering my overall health and consequences (which is why #2 would never actually happen).
4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
being able to say to myself, "well hell, i did ((insert risky thing here)), there's no reason i couldn't handle this."
5. ... and what's the worst?
creeping self-doubt when i don't see the immediate result of the risk taken.

my dad would have gotten it

purple belt girl: "so what's the name of this kata?"
fearless leader britt: "it's 'suna kake no kon'."
purple belt girl: "'sun-a'? Like the sun?"
fearless leader britt: "no, 's-ooh-na'... as opposed to late-a."

[[blank stares and cricket-chirping drowned out by the fearless leader rolling around on the floor in sheer giggly delight at her own cleverness.]]

in learning patience, a much needed meditation for the moment...

One, seven, three, five --
The truth you search for cannot be grasped.
As night advances, a bright moon illuminates the whole ocean;
The dragon's jewels are found in every wave.
Looking for the moon, it is here, in this wave,
And in the next.

-- Zen Master Hsueh-tou

trees are the answer
if you're traveling down life's road pondering why we're here, or what it's all about, or why the bus in front of you looks like it's about to tip over, or whatever, it's be sure to pay attention to those little signs for clues, like the big-ass truck following you from San Diego to Anaheim with the bumper sticker "Trees are the Answer."

Ahh yes. I see.

This weekend was que-fun, starting off with 4 hours of britt-the-jungle-gym practice for those tiny white belts at karate, followed with a lovely dinner at the Trozzi abode for my bro's bday, spiced with a conversation starting with "if you average 200 orgasms a year, you'll add 6 years to your life" (which do you think would be the more "augh, don't say that!" comment following that convo opener: "we'd better get crackin'!" or "you'd better stock up on batteries." You choose.), and bringing up the rear was a little trip to California Adventure with Ji and a couple of gallons of water that hitched a ride with us the rest of the day after we went on the raft ride. If being soaked through the chones wasn't indicator enough, having a complete stranger sitting across from you point and laugh for the entire ride because you're so wet pretty much means you're the winner when it comes to playing the "Who's going to take the longest to dry?" game. Singing Disney tunes on the way home speeds up the un-dampness process.