you take the good, you take the bad
so the facts of life (at this moment) are these:
(1) the more you are afraid of something, the more it is attracted to you. and sooner or later, you're going to have to face it. complete mortification may lead to a break through, or at least a very VERY rosy complexion.
(2) for every action, there is an equal reaction. while i find myself having to justify my belonging in an area i took advantage of early on, i was told today, off the record and sort of aside, that my belonging was an inspiration to someone else. that was all the justification i needed to be able to stand up for myself somewhere else.
(3) the universe provides. seriously, it does. you just have to realize you got what you asked for. and when you realize that... wow. it's ... ineffable.
current mood: learning