starts with "san"...
zoom. brake. zoom zoom. braaaaaake. that's pretty much the trend of the first leg of shannon's and my trip up the gorgeous coast to the even more beautiful sleepy sea towns of san luis obispo, santa barbara, and other 'san' type places other than '...diego.' shama had the brilliant idea to go see my favorite music man's show up in slo, which happened to be her old stompin' grounds. we made it up there in record time (for a friday!) to see jason and colin and all their adoring fans, us included. the show was AWEsome. afterwards, we went over to colin's place with a few 15 people or so, and stayed up till 3:30am, something that hasn't happened in my world for quite a while... highlights include "take a bite out of... sandwich!", "well, you're OLD" (i was in a room with a bunch o' 21/22-yr-olds), and "you're lucky i'm not ticklish..." threats. good times, good times.
i didn't sleep much (late shows at coffeehouses... hmmm), and in the morning, shama and i went poking around while we waited for others to haul outta bed. around noon, we met up with jason and colin and his girl and had chowder and fried stuff, and sat at pismo beach trying to dodge bird crap. We finally had to part ways, and head to some other 'san'-ish type places... but not without the purchase of shoes. lotsa shoes.
past 32 hours summed up? loved it. loved. it.

aww, aren't we cute? at 2 in the morning?

"god pictures"
i once had a friend of mine describe the landscape of a cloudy sky pierced by brilliant rays of sunlight as "god pictures". i've always liked that.
my life has been a god picture of sorts recently; mostly cloudy with some resplendent shiny spots breaking through.

work has been touch'n'go over the past 2 weeks; a situation i will comment on once it has been resolved. for now i can say that change is afoot, and there might be some wicked awesome shifts for me in the near future. but in the meantime, it's a little stressful as my team is splintering down the center of my affection. karate has launched my head to a new dimension as i struggle to coordinate a tournament with non-existent volunteers, in addition to my regular practice schedule (which has been making me sick. ugh.), full-time work, japanese starting up again, belly dancing, fund-raising, and the not-to-be-missed "watching people watch the OC night". it's a lot to handle, even for me. but there are some rays poking through in the most surprising of places in this situation, and curiousity about the end product is keeping me engaged. in addition, i have decided to actually send out some queries to literary agents, solicit donations for the tourney, compete, and sew a vest or 2 for tami so she stops splattering herself with strawberry margaritas. all this, you know, in my "spare time".

distractions, i imagine, so i don't have to focus on what's really bugging me: the realization that i fall head-over-etc for unavailable men. something tells me that's safer. and after years of heartache, i'm starting not to trust that something.

membership has its privileges
my heart is racing, my stomach feels sick, and i just clicked a button to officially launch me into what most people consider a very grown-up world...

i signed up for my 401(k) today. and i have NO idea what the hell i'm doing. none. nope. nothing.

i feel like i'm playing dress up in too big shoes.

i'm smiling because...
so my friend hideko had to go back to okinawa after visiting us for 7 months. and to make the story even sadder, a few days before she boarded the plane, she lost her digital camera containing all her memories of happy days in san diego.
this made me sad.
i bought her a disposable camera so she could at least snap a pic or two in her last hours in america, but it wasn't the same.
i wished and wished (even on trash, tony) that her camera would turn up. i even put an ad in the paper offering a reward. i started to give up hope.
last night, as i was walking out of the gym, someone pressed into my hand a cold silver object...
...the camera had been found. and it is now on its way across the ocean, chasing its owner with no letter or explanation, only a picture of my face and a sign that says "buritto says, 'hi hideko! we miss you!'"

i did good
i was in a meeting yesterday from 8:30 in the morning until i got up and walked out of it (it was still going) at 6 PM. oh, and i got 15 minutes for lunch... which had to be eaten there anyway. but i'm not complaining. the assembled attendees (big-time movers and shakers... and me) were charged in reshaping the entire direction and culture of the company. moments into the beginning of the meeting, i realized that not only was i the only person not salaried, but i was also the youngest person in there by at least 5 years. hmm.
turns out that i also became the default-presenter for any breakout session that we had, which meant i got to stand up in front of these powerful movers and shakers, and speak extensively about subjects that i'm not extensively well-versed in. the looks of on my boss(es) this morning said a lot... i very much made my mark as a fun and articulate spokesperson with a lot of promise and they were very impressed. their words, i swear.

okay, i'm done bragging... wait, hang on: go me!! okay. now i'm done.

uh-oh, i think i'm growing up.
i had a breakthrough yesterday, one that could be checked off in either the "self-discovery of maturity" category, or the "self-discovery of 'hey, you really are nuts!'" category. i was talking to my friend robin about a current situation in which i find myself laying things out on the line in a fairly patterned-basis. in the 3.5 years that this has been going on, it took one afternoon with a friend yesterday to sit there and point out "well, everyone's neurotic in some way." and instead of me denying it with excuses and justifications on why i feel it necessary to grossly expound upon my feelings and perspective in life and this situation, instead i sat back, paused for a moment, and said very matter-of-factly, "you're right. i am neurotic."

i can't believe i admitted that. but actually, i can't believe that i'm okay with it. to me, notions of neuroses are rather taboo; i assume everyone else has them, but i, of course, am the standard of normalcy. but more and more lately i've been noticing certain tendencies that i couldn't explain and have been cause for embarrassment every once in a while when I do something without even thinking about it (like calling out spelling mistakes or catching inconsistencies in everyday life when really i should not even care). i thought my job was just super-training me to do that in my off-work hours, but, as it turns out, i have a history of calling out inconsistencies, letting people know that something just isn't right by my standards, and giving suggestions on what to do about it. i don't consider it controlling, just, err... exacting.

the great thing was to have robin there in my moment of self-discovery in such a supportive 'oh my gosh, i'm totally like that too!' way. i may be crazy, but i'm not alone, and i embrace this new label without apology. but it makes me wonder... what's your excuse?

if you are what you eat, then i'm so corporate
as i rolled towards the drive-thru window yesterday, i realized that i had just engaged in the terribly highfalutin practices of the ordering elite. it was as if my burger was a badge, an epithet of character i would be known as, if only for a while. i was no longer britt grabbin' a burger. in a breath i had become a doubledoublenoonionslightspreadproteinstyle. and this new coat went to replace the earlier coffee versioned cover of grandelightcoffeefrapinaventicupwithextrawhip.

and for a moment, i didn't know whether to be proud of this confidence of lingo; an 'insider' defining who i was in the world of food, or be really really embarrassed. to be honest, i'm not sure if this kind of structured society is one i want to claim.

all i can say is ouch.
file this one under 'things you don't want to hear at work':

"we need to figure out a way to make it idiot-proof... or i guess in your case, britt-iot proof."

that's my name, don't wear it out
next time i suggest grabbing some fine cuisine at the local mexican taco shop, kindly remind me how distracted i will be during our lunchtime conversation because i think someone is calling my name everytime the guy at the front-counter yells out the order for the various "BURITTO!"s that have been ordered.
thanks.

every day is a reason to celebrate
guess what day it is today! guess! c'mon!! okay, you're not guessing, so i'll tell you...

it's my 1/2 birthday!

oh, and it's mister do's birthday too. happy bday, chris monkey!

kickin'
if you think that a chunky-onion-y tuna fish sandwich with garlic mayo on herb bread would pack a bit of bite on the breath-of-fresh-air factor... well, you'd be right. but damn, it's definitely worth the social ostracizing.

akemashite omedetoo gozaimasu
happy new year! sadly, i have to admit, despite the hope and well-wishes of many a friend, i have kept to my tradition of not kissing anyone at the strike of the new year. maybe tradition isn't the right word. more like 'history'.
i don't normally declare a resolution at new year's start. not that i'm perfect already and am resolute not to improve. more like when i find an area of improvement, i tend to start in on it right then and there; no reasons to stew in a vice or whatnot till year's end. this time 'round, however, it occurred to me that there was something lacking in my life, and it's a resolution that could lead to less stress, more filling, in my life... without directly declaring "my resolution = less stress." so without further ado...

i resolve to hug more people.

i like hugs, they make me happy. but it seems like ever since returning from the land o' no hugs (aka japan) where it's not a common social expression of affection, i've gotten used to not being hugged. and then when i am, i feel a little squished. endorphine block or something, i'm not sure. so i'll be changing that, getting back to my free happy self, and hugging more. so, world, open your arms, cuz here i come.