happiness is...
twice yesterday i was asked that simplest of difficult questions: "are you happy?". and both times, i hesitated... not because i don't know the answer, but because i feel like the answer shouldn't be so simple. it should never be a yes or no answer... you're fooling yourself if you think it is. but i hesitated, gauging what the answer should be to the person asking the question... should i be honest and qualify my reasoning for my answer? or should i simplify, veil it in a more elementary response that is easy to gloss over in conversation?
in both instances, i chose to be honest. maybe it's narcissism, but i thought i would explain where i actually am in space and time, rather than present a 2-dimensional poster of my world. the truth is, i am happier than i have been in a long time. am i blissful? at times, yes. is it a constant? goodness no, and i don't need it to be. i think i'd be exhausted if that were the case. i'm in a place where i can see the future (yup, i'm clairvoyant, didn't you know?) on the horizon, and i'm excited for it, even with its uncertainty... as opposed to the place where i was where i didn't care what the horizon looked like because i was too occupied in examining the shadows i seemed to be hanging out in.
happiness is feeling like you're a better person now than you were a year ago, whatever that "better" is to you.
current mood: sure i'm happy... are you?