what, me worry? uh, *YES*.
((warning, a semi-graphic description is embedded in this entry. you should be just fine should you choose to read it, but don't say i didn't warn you.))
growing up, i figured i would have kids as part of the normal routine of life: go to school, attend college, get a job, start a family, etc. (and honestly, i haven't thought too much past those stages, yikes). but lately, as i'm in the season of life where those around me are having kids, i'm starting to rethink this... mostly because i'm a big baby, and really, who needs 2 babies around? reading girlfriends' accounts of their labor, threats of severe damage to you or the little one because of complications, losing control over functions, and having awful awful terms like "mucous plug" and "she tore right through" dropped into casual conversation have all acted as a pretty good birth control for me, even to the point where i sometimes will tell my current boy to sit on the other side of the couch.
i figure i'm not all about the pain. and i believe it when they talk about the endorphins kicking in later after all that big time pain is over, sorta to brainwash the mom into thinking it wasn't that bad. but i've had a big dose of scary stories lately, and this morning's experience at the doctor didn't help:
it all starts with the routine pap i get every year, just like any good over 21-years-old should do. except this time, something wasn't normal, leading the doctor to schedule me for a colposcopy this morning where they biopsied 2 areas of my cervix. and holy hell, i'm surprised i din't hit someone when she snipped snipped. most people get things cut off under the influence of at least topical anesthetic. they recommended to me i take a few mgs of ibuprofen. thanks. not to mention the fact that she, i don't know, MISSED the first one, and had to do it twice because not a big enough sample came off. 2 tiny snips, and i'm ready for the nunnery.
and of course, this is my perspective to look at it, because i'm trying to stay positive that this is nothing, nothing at all (not to mention the fact that other HUGE stressers in my life and future are not appropriate for this forum, so i might as well let my public know at least a little of what's going on). and even though i have a good 2 weeks to wait before i find out if this something is actually nothing, i'm going to try to keep my mind occupied on other things. or try to build good karma... so i bought a homeless guy a sandwich today at lunch. and an apple. and some water. i didn't think it'd be right to get him a beer, but maybe my karma points will hit a deduction for that.
current mood: admittedly a little worried