back to retirement
i came out of retirement from karate tournaments for a period of about 4 minutes total on saturday. after receiving my score and bowing out of the ring after kata, i was officially back in retirement. i realized again that i'm not really a competitor... i'm just not in it to win it. i like to have fun and goof around, and once i reached the level of the most competitive division in the world, all the goofiness evaporated into a concentrated air of fierce contention. where's the fun in that?
i was met at the ring with a couple of girls i used to compete with back in our green and brown belt days. i give props to them for sticking with it since then, which was more than i could do. i also thought it was strange for them to be equally excited and disappointed to see me. it was like a happy reunion with a lurking knife aimed at my back, since i generally tended to win our division. but it was still nice to see some friendly faces out of the generally scowling ones.
i originally made the commitment to go to the vegas tourney as a way of motivating me to train, to pull me off the plateau and back in to the family. it didn't work very well, and actually only worked to delay any sort of decision i need to make about the future. and now, i'm back to retirement, and the uncertainty of future it brings.
current mood: where do we go from here?