a little bit sadistic
after 25 years, i've figured out that i like the pain and torture i put myself through. makes me know i'm alive...or something.
i have the tournament set up tonight. and the tournament tomorrow. oh, and i'm moving on sunday. and no, i haven't packed.

on a more personal level... growing up, i was uber-confident. in fact, i once had a teacher write a letter of rec with the entire first page talking about how i was maybe TOO confident. it carried over into college, and once graduation hit, i'm not sure quite what happened. it started slipping. and somehow japan got involved. and now i second guess or am intimidated by so much; i hate it.

but i had a breakthrough: one person that i had up on an untouchable pedestal of success and awe recently got me caught up in a conversation that was so normal? real? too personal? (it was about personal hygiene) that she immediately and respectfully came sailing off that goddess-type level and landed comfortably in the land of "the rest of us". and it was a good lesson for me to STOP DOING THAT to other people and realize that, when it comes down it, there's no reason to believe i'm any less awesome than any other fool.