antici... pation
i keep logging into my electronic worlds (email, blog, etc) today as if i'm expecting something. i'm not, really, but i feel like i should be. like if i ping hotmail just one more time, my inbox will be fat full of news about...((?))

my dad told me this story yesterday about how, back in the day, if he was a little drunk, he could perform great waltzes and jumps in the ice rink (the man and his love of skating). we were talking about the self-confidence that seems to diminish as we get older, and he was relating about how easily he could talk himself out of those great leaps if he was sober. i am going through an epidemic of self-doubt, and wondering why lately i've deflated so much so fast. assimilating the fatherly advice into my own situation (at work, mostly, considering the landscape of responsiblity that i am suddenly lording over), i have decided i can either a) fake it, or b) spike my morning coffee with something other than cocoa and sweet'n'low.