and you wonder where I get it from
Dad: "Oh... are you drunk?"
Me: "What?! Why would you ask me that?"
Dad: "You sound giddy."
Me: "I always sound like this."
((Loud talking in the backround))
Dad: "Mom wants to know if you've tried Smirnoff Black-something."
Me: "Uhh, no. Maybe YOU guys are drunk."
Dad: "Huh. Maybe."

Me: "Well, that's how I got my last boy."
Mom: "What last boy??"
Me: "The one you said 'I don't want no little ((edited)) runnin' around.'"
Mom: "Oh yeah. ... That was a while ago. I think it's time you found a new boy. It's been long enough of a dry spell."
Me: "Yeah, tell me about it."

HONORABLE MENTION
Mom: "I think I'll just drop dead. I don't want to get old."

And those, ladies and gentlemen, are my parents. Ya gotta love 'em.