wookin' pa nub in all da wong pwaces

WANTED: attractive, fun, (straight!) male companion for various activities including but not limited to dancing, excursions, general goofing-off. Humor and flexibility a must. Hours required: Fridays after 4, Saturdays after noon, Sundays. On call availability a plus.

I'm only slightly aware of my audience (ie who reads this) and even with that limited knowledge, I find myself editing what goes down here because of who may be interpreting it. As much as I enjoy my time in the spotlight, I am a pretty private person, and with no blatant cultural oddities to comment on, I turn to the next most readily available subject matter: my own oddities. Now there's a fun topic. And inescapably, I am hesitant to put myself out there for whatever amount of scrutiny, criticism, and perhaps even sympathy that might come up as a reaction to my now public inner thoughts. It's a risk, it's an opening of vunerability (who, me??), but maybe it's a way to help me sort things out...

Lately I've been mulling over that whole "relationship" issue. People all around me are dating (last week Sil and D both went on dates, this week I know 2 people going on blind dates... the madness is everywhere!) and me? not so much. Admittedly, it's 98% my fault. For one thing, I've got some crazy hours: the alarm goes off at 5:30am, Mon-Friday, and I'm lucky if I get home before 9:30pm. I spend about 4 hours a day in transit, and the rest of the time at work, Japanese, karate, or sleeping. At least I get an hour lunch break. But the busybusybee-ness is part of the bigger excuse. I'm incredibly picky and not ashamed to say it, though some well-meaning persons in my life insist my standards are set too high. In some aspects of my life, I might agree with them, but when it comes to this, I stand by my standards. And although I've only met 2.5 (that's two-point-five, not twenty-five) boys that meet these standards (I've decided Turkish Boy doesn't get full count, despite his marriage proposal) in my 24 years, i don't think I'm selling myself short.

Now I suppose the disunion in my head comes from the part of me that would love to have someone to spend time with (for all intents and purposes, we'll label that borderline-hopless-romantic part of me "heart") arguing against the part of me that is fully aware that I have no time to commit to any sort of 'relationship' entity (that practical side we'll label as "head"). And thus it comes down to the classic battle of heart vs. head, and at any time of the day, any day of the week, it's impossible to predict which will be winning the battle. Do I shrug my shoulders, supporting Head's logic that I have other things to occupy myself with and therefore couldn't consider asking someone else to try and roll with all that. Or do I sigh about not being able to placate Heart's desire to share the (down) time with someone ... ?